I posted this photo a while back. This is Lyssa and I. Which if you follow me on instagram then you know all about her. She alerts me to headaches, migraines and seizures. She had alerted me to a migraine several times in the middle of the night. And I woke up with a horrific one. That is all I pretty much said with this photo when I posted it.
What you don’t see is me throwing up in the toilet. You can’t see the pain. Something is trying to claw out of my skull. My head is pulsating so severely and so loud that I can actually see it. When my migraines get this bad, I can’t even walk, I don’t want to talk and the last thing I want is to hear noise.
A migraine is NOT, I repeat IS NOT a headache!!! Unless you have suffered a severe migraine yourself, it is hard to understand what going through one is like. Even though you can’t physically see it, the pain, the struggle, the uncomfortable is REAL. I suffer from chronic migraines about 3 to 4 times a week and together with my doctor, we are trying to figure out what is going on and what the best treatment should be. But my migraines are so aggressive, they have left my brain covered in scars. I didn’t even though such thing was possible.
I am usually smiling, laughing, joking and looking like I am not in pain. But the true fact is that I am in so much pain that I could cry. But why do I hide it? Because it actually helps me be more positive and stay more sane. They say laughter is the best medicine, it’s true. I rather laugh my pain off than cry it out. Crying actually makes my migraines worse! So I try to avoid it.
I am tired of the pain, the fighting, the hospital stays and all the tests. The migraines are so bad, I had a small stroke 3 years ago because of them. But my migraines are killer and debilitating. They cause numbness in my face, hands, and legs. Occasionally, it makes me go blind in one eye as well. It just depends on how bad it hits me. But again, in photos like these, you can’t see any of this.
But hear me out…there has been a lot of judgment lately. And I don’t think it’s needed or necessary for others to judge situations if the whole story isn’t know. All that is seen is one photo. You don’t know the whole story behind the photo, you can’t see what transpired throughout the day or what it took to get out of bed or run. People are quick to past judgement because some of my illness isn’t seen. I get that a lot but it is happening a lot more and I don’t understand why.
I am trying to better myself so am I wrong? Am I supposed to sit back and lay in bed all day crying, screaming in pain? Are those the kind of pictures you rather see because its not going to happen. That is not how I deal with pain. I am not the type of person to sit back and crawl in a hole and stay there. There are TONS of well known people in the world who also deal with chronic health issue who are out there kicking ass and I don’t see anyone criticizing them for breaking records or being the incredible human beings that they are. They are my heroes for fighting through their chronic health issues and still getting up and busting their butts every day like they weren’t crying and screaming in pain the night before. I am doing the same exact thing yet I am starting to get judged. I know it is more of a reflection of others character, and not for me to worry what others think of me. Because obviously, none of it is true. But others might not have as thick skin as I do so let’s try to be a little more understanding of the situations of others. You never know what someone is battling. Everyone is battling something. Some battles are deeper than what a photo shows.