Because he is watching

Today I was due for a long run but I wasn’t well. I had a headache and a migraine. They were both getting worse so I opted to take my medication which sometimes helps. My headache subsided but I wasn’t feeling all that great to kill my run today.

About midway through, it finally hit me. I stepped off the treadmill and sat on the floor for a minute. I kept thinking, why…why is this happening? There has to be a reason for all of this. Is it because I am strong enough to handle all of this? Am I really a chronic pain warrior? Is it because I can fight it through? I don’t feel like a warrior, what’s going on?

As it started to upset me, my little man sees me with my head in my hands and says “Mami what’s wrong? Are you going to have an attack?” Now Alpha and I decided to not really tell him in details EVERYTHING I go through because he worries and gets upset when he sees me in pain. While obviously some of them I can’t hide, others I do. Today, I let him see what I go through…

I told him that my head was hurting a lot and it was interrupting my running but that wasn’t going to stop me from continuing. I told him that it felt like my brain was swelling and it felt like an elephant was sitting on it. “Are the little rocks in your brain shaking when you run?” No, I told him. As he calls the brain tumor and ovoids I have in my brain as I showed him my brain mri.

“You have a lot of stuff wrong with you mami, but you never big up. How did you get so strong?” I decided that I will not let these diseases beat me. I know I have the power to over come and beat them all to the ground. Yes it hurts, yes it’s tough and yes it makes me cry, but knowing that I am stronger than these diseases makes it worth it. “Wow Mami, you are like a runner superhero. I want to be like you and never give up.”

You never know who is watching and who might be inspired by your strength, your journey, or your struggles. Keep going for your dreams and goals. Never EVER give up on yourself or your goals. Yes, at times it’s easier said than done. Believe me, I know that. When I feel like my strength reserves are running low, something always happens and they are charged right up. My little man got me through my 14 miles run today and I finished because of him. He gave me the strength and motivation I needed, because he believes in me so much, and was watching me VERY closely.

I work hard to make him proud. I work hard so he sees what it takes to get to your dreams. Nothing in life is easy. When you are dealing with multiple chronic conditions it makes life five times harder, but that doesn’t mean you have to give in to your illnesses. You get up and lace your shoes to battle them because you inspire the little ones. They look up to you and want to be the superhero you are when they look at you.



14 thoughts on “Because he is watching

  1. I do see a warrior, and a beautiful one at that. I do not know why you have to be going through all of this, but maybe one day we will all know why. I know this feels impossible sometimes, but it will not stop you. Not everyone can go through what you are going through, and maybe you are here to inspire and pass on that message. I am proud to call you my wife, but you are much mor than that. You are Strong. Powerful. Brave. Courageous. Wonderful. Exceptional. Most importantly, a role model to a little gentleman who sees you in a way that no words can describe. Don’t let it ever win…..though I know that will never happen.

    1. Thank you so much. It makes it easier to go through all this with you by my side. I couldn’t have asked for a better, stronger husband. You remind me of my strengths and my power when I forget. 💜 thank you.

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