Strength doesn’t come as easy as it seems. It’s getting tougher for me to be as strong and as capable as you all think. Let me fill you in a bit…
I did run the runDisney Walt Disney World marathon over a month ago and I STILL haven’t filled you in on my recap. I am totally beating myself up for my poor performance and I honestly don’t want to talk about it. Since the race, my health is on a fast downward spiral.
During the marathon I was in severe pain, horrible headache, and had to keep stopping because I wanted to throw up. I felt like I barely crossed the finish line and I haven’t even hung my medal. Yes, I know that it counts and I should be proud, but my health is getting in the way of what I love and I feel it’s slowly being taken away from me. I haven’t gone for a run since then.
Now I feel like I am barely surviving every day. I have gone to the hospital, taking a whole new batch of medications, and have inconclusive MRI results. I FINALLY was able to sleep laying down. I have been sleeping in an upright position and I don’t even know if you want to call it sleep. I had a horrible seizure a few days ago that rocked my world. I was diagnosed with a new neurological disorder and doctors are having a tough time helping me find relief. Yes, I have tried all the natural stuff to relieve my pain like essential oils and such.
What do I do now? Well, what I always do. Keep moving forward and never give up. Don’t get me wrong, I am having more and more “weak” days but I feel it’s OK so long as I don’t give up. Fighting these battles are super tough and I have cracked. I don’t always have to be super strong and be a champ all the time. Everyone constantly tells me I am but I don’t feel like so.
Life is already tough and it really doesn’t have to be. Living with several chronic illnesses is no basket of fun, but I do the best I can to enjoy life and those around me are a BIG help. I am grateful for everyone around and those that make sure I keep my sarcasm and laughter going.
The one who has been working her tail off is Lyssa. She has been alerting me left and right and she is probably just as tired as you are about hearing me complain as she is to have to get up or wake up to come alert me. She hasn’t left my side and is keeping me steady on my feet when I can’t walk. I truly got lucky to have rescued her.
Alpha has been PHENOMENAL! He has been taking care of all my appointments, medications and everything else. Once he gets home from work, he continues to help me and does whatever I need help with and NEVER complains. He is my hero, always has been and always will! But he makes sure that I don’t lose my strength and hope to find some sort of relief.
That is the whole message of this post. Never give up hope to those battling a battle because we kind of all have our own battles we are going through. Life is a battle, but you can make the best of it and try to find the positivity in every situation. Don’t make it all about what you can’t do, or can’t handle. Focus on what you CAN do and keep working towards your goals and dreams. Don’t let what you think is holding you back be the reason you can’t move forward.
You are stronger than you think and more courageous than you give yourself credit. Keep holding on and live your life.
Be magical and smile.