I am a dreamer.

And My life isn’t a piece of cake, although it would be nice because I do enjoy cupcakes! But I do try my hardest to be positive and see the best in every situation because despite what they may be, you can find something positive in it. It seems for me, it keeps getting worse.

My health keeps deteriorating and things just keep going from bad to worse. My pains are getting unbearable and doctors don’t know what to do and can’t find anything wrong. It’s very disheartening for me. I feel like a 20-year-old person, stuck in an 80-year-old person’s body. I am very stubborn and try and try again until I can do my daily tasks. That would include…..brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, and giving myself a bath. Do you know how frustrating that is for someone like me?

Running is something that gives me the freedom I need and crave. It makes me feel “normal.” With all my diseases and being labeled “handicapped” it is a term I don’t consider myself to be. Suffering from chronic pain and every day struggles, yes. But I am not handicapped.

Since I have taken a down hill slope, and wish I was running it instead of my health taken the fall, obviously my running has been affected. There are days where getting out of bed is a major task and I need more time to do so. While it is scary to know that I am getting worse, because I am the only one that feels it. My husband can see it, and my friends can see me struggle more often now, but I can feel myself in more pain than I was before. You know you suffer from chronic pain when you have more than 4 doctors. I am hoping that one of them soon figures something out with all these test that are being done.

However, with all this, I will never lose my positivity and my ability to dream. I have many dreams to reach, but just because I am fighting against Scoliosis, seizures, chronic migraines, fibromyalgia, fiber neuropathy, and other issues that are yet to be diagnosed, doesn’t mean I have to stop fighting. I am stronger than them. My dreams are bigger and more powerful than they are. Nothing will keep me from achieving my dreams and that is what my tattoo symbolizes. Hope, strength, never giving up on my dreams, and of course, my love for Minnie Mouse. And while my mom spent her last few days in the hospital fighting for her life before she passed away, the little time she was able to talk, she told me to never stop chasing my dreams. She knew how important they are to me. They were her last motivational words of support to me.

One must never lose the ability to chase your dreams no matter how far or how much out of reach they seem. I am a runner with tons of health issues and when I used to tell others my dreams, they would laugh in my face. Now they want to know my secret and never laugh at me again. Others tell me that I am out of my mind and could never do such things, I just simply smile and say “watch me.” And yes, I do have to work three times as hard as others because of my conditions but I will do it because I am a dreamer.

-gelcys

the forever dreamer